THE $80 MILLION TETRIS MOVIE HAS PROMISED US A ‘COOL SURPRISE,’ BUT WHAT COULD IT BE?


Today it was announced that executives within Hollywood’s major studios have made the groundbreaking decision to follow the example of the U.K.’s directors’ union, calling for the development of a plan that would guarantee that 50 percent of yearly funding will be given to female filmmakers by the year 2020.

Lol, no, just kidding, Hollywood is making a franchise trilogy out of the ’80s video game Tetris.

When asked by a Deadline reporter about the merits of the project, producer Larry Kasanoff assured us that the film to come is “not at all what you think; it will be a cool surprise.”

Scout’s honor, the $80 million Tetris movie is not a sign of a creative industry that’s bankrupt on imagination, but will instead be a cool surprise.

A cool surprise! What secret cinematic achievement could be so great as to earn that stunning description? We present you with some possible Tetris pitches for Kasanoff to consider if he wants to follow through on that promise.

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